A topical joke for you, given the latest film release -
The God Thor decides to go to earth and have a weekend of passion with a women.
He finds a pretty girl who has a lisp, and being the God he is she falls for his charms and they make love all weekend....
After the weekend of passion Thor decides it is time to return to the pantheon of the Gods, but feels he ought to introduce himself to the girl......
He says......"I am Thor"
She says...."You`re Thor?....I can hardly walk!"
Ha! I saw that punchline from a distance but it made me laugh either way! Cheers for that, glad I wasn't drinking my tea lol.
I quite like what the tabloid press over here are now calling Arnold Schwarzenegger..............
"The Sperminator"
I like the one about the Bravest Fowl in the Revolutionary War who helped the American side by tripping a retreating Brit so that Col. Washington could confiscate his strategic maps. Worlds first "Chicken-Catch-A-Torie!" Groan...
Today I heard a report about Harold Camping, the "prophet" whose End Of The World rudely failed to show up last Saturday. It turns out that May 21 was ony an "invisible rapture," and that
the Real Deal is going to happen on October 21. 'Simple mistake anyone could make, doncha know.
Then I heard that his "church" had a net worth somewhere north of $100 million...!
So I immediately started mulling over possibilities... errmmm...
meditating, so as to place myself in a state receptive to Revelation. Yeah, that's it. Then all of a sudden... BANG! I had one!
Yea, for it was foretold unto me that I should bestow unto you, and unto the world, Our Creed. And I say unto you:
"
Yea, verily, we believe that the world will indeed end on October 21, 2011 as the good minister Harold Camping prophesies.
But on the day before the Great Judgment, a giant alien ark shall descend from the heavens to give The Righteous a lift before any bad sh*t starts to happen.
Thus it is foretold. Blessed Be, my Brethren."
My plan is to start a new church based on
my revelation, tentatively named:
The Church Of Getting The Hell Out Of Here Before The Sh*t Hits The Fan.
~ ~ Donations gladly accepted, heh-heh. ~ ~
(That and suggestions for shortening the title, 'cause it will cost us a fortune in signage and business stationary.)
.
An octopus walks into Nettie`s bar at the Bar `n` Grill and declares, "I can play any musical instrument".
Rey says, "OK, try these drums I have" - the Octopus plays them - really good, not as good as Bubba even with six tentacles and 2 legs he can`t smoke him, but the boy is good.......
Mufasa says, "OK, try this guitar" - the Octopus sounds like Big Al, only better in places, in some places he could be Steve Vai...
Boomer says, "OK Try these Bag Pipes that I brought back from my services days in Scotland"
Nothing - silence, the Octopus is wrestling with the instrument, but no sound can be heard.....
Boomer says, "Ha, ya canna get a sound oot the Bag Pipes then?"
The Octopus says, "I am not interested in getting a sound, as soon as I have got her pyjamas off, I am taking her to bed!"
Well, you know, I always carry drums wherever I go. That is why that Pinto station wagon is always out in the parking lot.
(06-20-2011 01:22 PM)NWoBHM Wrote: [ -> ]An octopus walks into Nettie`s bar at the Bar `n` Grill and declares, "I can play any musical instrument".
Rey says, "OK, try these drums I have" - the Octopus plays them - really good, not as good as Bubba even with six tentacles and 2 legs he can`t smoke him, but the boy is good.......
Mufasa says, "OK, try this guitar" - the Octopus sounds like Big Al, only better in places, in some places he could be Steve Vai...
Boomer says, "OK Try these Bag Pipes that I brought back from my services days in Scotland"
Nothing - silence, the Octopus is wrestling with the instrument, but no sound can be heard.....
Boomer says, "Ha, ya canna get a sound oot the Bag Pipes then?"
The Octopus says, "I am not interested in getting a sound, as soon as I have got her pyjamas off, I am taking her to bed!"
hahahaha!!!! Do you stay up at night thinking of this stuff??????