Bubba's Bar 'n' Grill

I made a dash for it, but something caught my eye on the way. Something I simply couldn't ignore.

Apples, with a buy one get one free special offer.......

They were golden, like small globes of the sun's fire, captured in fist-sized amphora with a stem... and they were withing my grasp.

Alas they slipped as my hands were covered with a film of butterflavored Crisco.

Crisco! I knew I should not have shaken that mans hand earlier. So I grabbed two more to try again. One apple for me, for I was hungry, and another to fling precariously across the room, knocking the cell phone out of the caller’s hand, and into the pickle barrel, just before the call could be completed. This went off without a hitch, an amazing feat really, and the cell phone made a hissing sound as it dissolved in the pickle juice. Before exiting I stopped and turned, and looked at the proprietor who was just beginning to come to. I flipped him a coin, said “sorry about the mess”

The Crisco was making it difficult to open the door. I cursed like a sailor - no, a submariner, and burst through the back door.
Something slammed into me from my right, knocking me to the ground. Whatever it was it was wet and smelly... and naked!
What the hell? A naked man had run into me and was now on top of me, holding a pair of scissors!

Thank goodness the only witness to this disaster was the lone garden gnome with such a cheeky grin, as it stood guard in the darkend doorway...

The naked man screamed, "Go! Go! Go!" With a wild look in his eyes, he looked over his shoulder and clambered over the still-grinning gnome, leaving me laying on the ground. I caught a glint of something on the ground beside me-the scissors!

As I got up and made my esacape, I had one thought, that man`s wild look in his eyes, and his strangely attractive and fit looking butt............

No - wait... that was the gnome?