Cooking (and cleaning) as an act of love - Printable Version
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Cooking (and cleaning) as an act of love - VincentUlyssis - 09-15-2010 07:40 PM
After 20 years of marriage I'm finally beginning to get it. So many meals and clean up were left to my wife as I left the kitchen for "manly" work. I lamented that "I had to do all of my work and half of her's." How ignorant I was for so long. I thought that putting my dish in the sink was this great sacrifice, and commended myself for "helping" once in awhile. I didn't have a clue! My thinking has shifted. Now I realize it's part of "my job" to shop, unload, prepare, serve, and most importantly clean up. I don't look at who's doing more. When I see it needs to be done I try to just step in now-and not just what I feel like doing. I've been getting tremendous satisfaction in seeing it through to completion. Cooking and cleaning truly is an act of love.
RE: Cooking (and cleaning) as an act of love - Laffitupfzbl - 09-19-2010 02:23 PM
Do you give lessons? My significant whatever needs your help!
RE: Cooking (and cleaning) as an act of love - VincentUlyssis - 09-19-2010 07:22 PM
I'm new to this and I never gave it much thought but I'm beginning to see how important it is. I made so many excuses before, a product of my Italian heritage... what I witnessed growing up... Some might say "That's when men were men." Perhaps at one time that may have been true, but in our times I'm starting to realize that in order to function as a couple and family, I have to be willing to serve, as it is written "who wishes to be great among you must be the servant of all."
RE: Cooking (and cleaning) as an act of love - Bageleth - 09-19-2010 11:17 PM
OMG! I am speechless! Vincent, that is awesome! Yes, do you give lessons?
RE: Cooking (and cleaning) as an act of love - VincentUlyssis - 09-20-2010 08:33 PM
I suggest the book "The Five Love Languages." It changed how I can DEMONSTRATE love. Things I never understood well. Basically they are physical touch, words of affirmation, giving gifts (not store gifts necessarily), quality time, and acts of service. Although I'm trying to be better with all of them, the one in which my "distance mentor," the author of this site, has helped inspire growth has been acts of service through preparing and serving good food. I hate the cleanup process-always did, but now I try to bring it to full completion and it's amazing how it has become my daily habit. Probably now one of my better habits in life.
RE: Cooking (and cleaning) as an act of love - Bageleth - 09-20-2010 10:32 PM
I have that book, and have read it, but my husband won't.
RE: Cooking (and cleaning) as an act of love - Boomer - 09-21-2010 08:35 AM
I never needed the book to understand that in order for my wife and I to have a complete relationship, it takes trust, honesty, and a willingness to compromise. If you go into a marriage with an open mind, an open heart, and ready to take on lifes challenges together you can accomplish anything. When no one else believed my wife and I could make it together, we beat the odds and the ridicule from family that we faced practically from Day One.
If you just want to be a stubborn mule, you'll end up a lonely old burro! Those are all things I work on every day....but ya gotta wanna!
RE: Cooking (and cleaning) as an act of love - VincentUlyssis - 09-21-2010 06:45 PM
Totally true. Today I only helped with dinner and cleanup. My kids and I ran to the supermarket to get sugar cookies that my daughter is now preparing for a bake sale fundraiser. My wife did most of the laborious work tonight. When it's tough is when she feels I'm not giving enough when I know I'm giving all I can. As long as I have a clear conscience...In marriage wouldn't you agree that to be nonreactive when an unappreciative comment comes your way is better than fighting? I believe it was Lincoln who said "Better to remain silent and thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." Perhaps it was Franklin...Not looking it up at this point. Let me know if I err.
I understand how that feels. Sometimes I feel like I'm the proactive one in the relationship and sometimes that's true. Other times I step back and see the whole picture and realize what I sometimes take for granted in her.
RE: Cooking (and cleaning) as an act of love - old honda rider - 09-22-2010 07:58 AM
(09-21-2010 06:45 PM)VincentUlyssis Wrote: I believe it was Lincoln who said "Better to remain silent and thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."The quote has been attributed to both Lincoln and Mark Twain. Perhaps one was quoting the other?
Anyway, sorry for the hijack. I've wondered about the origin of that quote as well.
Back to our regularly scheduled thread, already in progress...
RE: Cooking (and cleaning) as an act of love - VincentUlyssis - 09-22-2010 07:15 PM
Yes, that's right. I knew there was some debate over the origin.
So I haven't shopped, cooked or anything in about two days. Night out for work; grabbed a grilled chicken Caesar salad and came home to this blog. I'm wiped out and there's not enough love in me to do anything that resembles effort.
Wait a minute, this is not my personal blog!