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+--- Forum: General Discussion and Other Off-Topic Interests." Caution"!!! This is NOT a band forum (/forumdisplay.php?fid=24)
+--- Thread: Jokes and Funny Sayings (/showthread.php?tid=425)
RE: Jokes and Funny Sayings - desertbear - 10-03-2011 12:55 PM
Here is one for that guy stage right..... How do you make a guitar players eyes light up?? shine a flashlight in his ear!
RE: Jokes and Funny Sayings - old honda rider - 10-03-2011 03:06 PM
I just saw this one on Drumjokes.com
How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
Five: One to screw the bulb in, and four to talk about how much better Neil Peart coulda done it.
RE: Jokes and Funny Sayings - VincentUlyssis - 10-03-2011 08:40 PM
RE: Jokes and Funny Sayings - N'awlins - 10-04-2011 10:04 AM
Bumper Sticker I saw going home last night...short and to the point!:
Stupidity Should Be Painful!
RE: Jokes and Funny Sayings - VincentUlyssis - 10-04-2011 06:55 PM
True, I've learned that firsthand. My stupidity at times has caused me much pain.
RE: Jokes and Funny Sayings - desertbear - 10-05-2011 01:06 PM
I'm having a lot of fun finding these for you all, so... here ya go.
Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, when he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. So, I'm stumped." His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!" So the first fella did just that. The next day his buddy asked, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?" "She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours'."
.
If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy.... But most times I let her sleep..
RE: Jokes and Funny Sayings - Scythe Matters - 10-05-2011 07:51 PM
Top Ten Reasons Dogs Don't Use Computers
Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95.
Fetch command not available on all platforms.
Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.
Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.
Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail."
Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing PetCo.com instead of working.
Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee.
Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.
Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies tail-wagging.
RE: Jokes and Funny Sayings - derekpt - 10-06-2011 11:30 AM
What's the difference between God and a doctor?
God knows he's not a doctor.
RE: Jokes and Funny Sayings - Gungawoman - 10-07-2011 10:38 AM
A friend wrote me this in an email:
We'll be friends until we're old and senile. Then we'll be NEW friends!
RE: Jokes and Funny Sayings - N'awlins - 10-07-2011 11:27 AM
This should probably be in "The Bar" thread, but it's kinda' funny, so I'll put it here:
Ways to reply to your bartender when you've had a bad day.(CAUTION: Make sure you know the bartender well, and it helps if they're of the opposite sex!)
BARTENDER: "What can I get you?"
N'AWLINS: "Drunk!"
BARTENDER: "Ok , smart ass...what can I get for you?"
N'AWLINS: "Naked!"
Never been 86'd from anywhere, but it helps if they have a sense of humor!