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+--- Forum: General Discussion and Other Off-Topic Interests." Caution"!!! This is NOT a band forum (/forumdisplay.php?fid=24)
+--- Thread: Jokes and Funny Sayings (/showthread.php?tid=425)
RE: Jokes and Funny Sayings - Laffitupfzbl - 10-24-2010 06:40 PM
This is the first joke I ever wrote. I was in the 4th grade and in love with Steve Martin. What do you get when you cross a bridge with a car? To the other side! HA! Still one of my faves...
RE: Jokes and Funny Sayings - Laffitupfzbl - 10-25-2010 02:18 PM
Just wrote a new joke - yes or no to including it in the act?
When you're young, tumbling is something you do as a scheduled activity for fun. When you're older, it's a lot less fun. And a lot less scheduled...
RE: Jokes and Funny Sayings - Boomer - 10-25-2010 02:23 PM
Emphasis on a lot less scheduled! Guess it depends on your audience, but I sure think most of us could get a kick outta that one!
Of course, the real comic of the group would have to be Brutus!!! Snort snort....
RE: Jokes and Funny Sayings - Laffitupfzbl - 10-28-2010 01:02 PM
Ok, folks. Tonight I get to perform in front of Bobcat Goldthwaite. Always exciting to perform in front of a 'name' because it sometimes brings opportunities with it. Once I got to audition for a major radio show. I totally panned the audition, bad - nerves, but I would have never had the audition if I hadn't done an amateur night in front of another comedian and had a good night so he recommended me. Sooooo - any *original* material anybody wants to loan me? Funny stories, anything like that. Trust me, I can sell it and make it my own. But ideas are always welcome.
RE: Jokes and Funny Sayings - old honda rider - 10-28-2010 01:13 PM
Oh, you MUST incorporate some of Bubba's drummer jokes.
What do you call a drummer in a three-piece suit?
The defendant.
What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
What do you call a guy who hangs around with musicians?
The drummer.
What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
Gifted.
How can you tell is the stage is level?
The drummer is drooling equally out of both sides of his mouth.
{rimshot}
RE: Jokes and Funny Sayings - Boomer - 10-28-2010 01:48 PM
(10-28-2010 01:13 PM)old honda rider Wrote: Oh, you MUST incorporate some of Bubba's drummer jokes.
What do you call a drummer in a three-piece suit?
The defendant.
What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
What do you call a guy who hangs around with musicians?
The drummer.
What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
Gifted.
How can you tell is the stage is level?
The drummer is drooling equally out of both sides of his mouth.
{rimshot}
How do you get a drummer off your lawn?
Pay him for the pizza
Why can't a drummer ever drink a shot of whiskey?
He can only do a rim shot
How many bass players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None - they can only play with their fingers
What bottle of beer does a bass player drink?
a long neck
Why do guitarists always have worry lines?
They FRET over nothing.
Why do bass players stress out?
They're fretless.
I know groan groan groan.....do not adjust your computer screen.
RE: Jokes and Funny Sayings - NWoBHM - 10-28-2010 01:57 PM
How do you know there is a drummer at the door........the knocking speeds up and then slows down.
Whats the difference between a drummer and a drum machine...........you only have to punch the rhythm once into a drum machine.
What does the drummer say to the band mates.............do you want this played too fast or too slow......
RE: Jokes and Funny Sayings - Brutus - 10-28-2010 02:46 PM
This is my favorite "Newfie" joke. I call it a "Newfie" joke 'cause it was a Newfie what told me it.
News Flash!!!
A small single-engine plane has crashed into a graveyard in Newfoundland. So far the've recovered 285 bodies and the number continues to rise.....
RE: Jokes and Funny Sayings - Boomer - 10-28-2010 02:59 PM
What do you call a drummer thats out of time?
Unemployed
What do you call a musician at the mall?
A perfume salesman.
What do you call a guitarist without a girlfriend?
Homeless
Why can't drummers carve wood?
They can only chop sticks.
Somebody help me please!
RE: Jokes and Funny Sayings - NWoBHM - 10-28-2010 04:38 PM
Quote:A small single-engine plane has crashed into a graveyard in Newfoundland. So far the've recovered 285 bodies and the number continues to rise.....
A great old joke.......reminds me of the two Irish pilots, (forgive attacking the Irish especially the US contingent - over here its quite acceptable........the Irish apparently take the micky out of Kerry men in the same fashion).....well....
Paddy and Murphy are trying to land a plane and they are quite worried........Paddy says to Murphy, "take care Murphy this is a real tricky landing and a very short runway"
Murphy replies, "to be sure it is.....hang on"..........
They land.........only just.........terrible skidding of the plane etc........
Paddy says......"well thank goodness we are down............for sure that is the shortest runway I think I have ever seen"............
Murphy says......"it certainly is............but by God and Holy Mother Mary..........it is surely the widest"
Another quick plane joke...........
A plane is in a storm........lots of turbulence and panic on board....
One passenger panics runs into the cockpit..........and notes the pilot has about 30 clocks in front of him.............
and "None of them are right!"