Jokes and Funny Sayings - Printable Version
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RE: Jokes and Funny Sayings - NWoBHM - 04-28-2011 01:06 PM
This is a true story.....There is one of those lay bye caravan chefs near here - not sure if you have them in the US, but they are people who set up a caravan and cook bacon and egg sandwiches etc for passing lorry drivers and bikers etc - probably not legal, and no taxes paid on the revenue, but a Nelson eye is turned on them.
Anyway this one bloke`s sign he puts out before the van is, "Griller in the mist"........always makes me smile....
RE: Jokes and Funny Sayings - NWoBHM - 05-03-2011 09:09 AM
Some jokes doing the rounds on email over here.......
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?!
Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
I sat on the train this morning opposite a stunning Thai girl.
I kept thinking to myself, please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection...
but she did.
My girlfriend thinks that I’m a stalker.
Well, she’s not exactly my girlfriend yet.
I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed.
At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.
Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after it's been eaten. It's called a wedding cake.
I was in the pub with my wife last night and i said i love you. She said is that you or the beer talking ? I replied:
"it’s me talking to the beer".
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
That all folks....
RE: Jokes and Funny Sayings - Boomer - 05-03-2011 12:01 PM
Well, Mrs B wasn't amused, but I sure was.
RE: Jokes and Funny Sayings - RN-PRN - 05-03-2011 12:10 PM
I was waiting for my son in the doctor's office and was giggling at the jokes. They probably thought I was nuts!
RE: Jokes and Funny Sayings - Bageleth - 05-03-2011 12:11 PM
Paging Mr. Shot! Mr. Rim Shot!
RE: Jokes and Funny Sayings - NWoBHM - 05-03-2011 12:13 PM
Paging Mr Cumberpatch, Mr Quentin Cumberpatch.......Is there a Mr Q Cumberpatch here......
RE: Jokes and Funny Sayings - NWoBHM - 05-04-2011 06:46 AM
Nice joke from a Cornish comedian called Jethro -
I went into a pet shop and said, "I would like to buy a wasp"
They said, "I am sorry we don`t sell wasp`s"
I said, "Well, that`s strange, you had one in the wondow yesterday"
RE: Jokes and Funny Sayings - VincentUlyssis - 05-04-2011 07:48 PM
Why can't I ever remember a joke, and when I do have great difficulty delivering the punchline without ruining the comedic effect of the joke? To quote my wife "not funny." Yet at work I can be hysterical with some people. What makes funny people funny? Is it an inherent gift?
I want to be funny damn it!
Like my mother said when I was a kid,
"You want people to laugh with you, not at you!"
RE: Jokes and Funny Sayings - nettiesaur - 05-04-2011 09:19 PM
(05-04-2011 06:46 AM)NWoBHM Wrote: Nice joke from a Cornish comedian called Jethro -
I must be tired. I had to read that like 4 times before I got it. oy!
RE: Jokes and Funny Sayings - NWoBHM - 05-05-2011 01:51 AM
He makes it more funny with his very broad South West accent, sort of pronounces wasp, waaaarsp.
He tells another joke......
"I was in great need of the toilet, so I quickly reversed into the toilet to do my business"
"On looking down I noticed another pair of feet"
"I said, I am terribly sorry I didn`t see you there"
He said, "That`s ok, when I saw you come in I managed to pull your trousers back up"