The Bar

[nettiesaur]

(06-16-2012 07:23 AM)Fireman Wrote:  You know I couldn't wait to get out of school fpr the summer. But now I am considering going back. Wierd how with age comes wisdom.

Well, when you are young, you don't see the use for it, but with age, you see how useful it can be!

[HardwareGrl]

(Searching in pockets for change for the jukebox, flipping cards...)
S12

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSWrNfqjDBE

Hmmmm....nothing fancy I think.....white wine sounds good.
Just a peak in tonight, doesn't seem like there's been time lately to stop by.
So much going on, decisions made, good, bad and otherwise.
I think a lot of you all saw that Hubby and I have ended our quest to adopt. It was a not-to-hard decision to make in the end, which is sad.
I know it doesn't seem like we have been trying for that long to be giving up this soon, but glancing at the calendar reminds me that it has been 6 YEARS since we started moving in this direction. Litterally moving in this direction, because we sold our house to move back to the house I grew up in, remodeled it to change it into a duplex so my mother could have her own space and she could take care of kids of us after school/before Hubby and I got home from work.
And after the house was finished then started the process of classes, classes, and more classes that don't even begin to truely train you to cope with a troubled child, seminars, support groups, meetings, background checks, financial records checks, and on, and on, and on.
Finally certification, and the looking begins.
Hubby and I were asked to go to committee 10 TIMES. We got our hope up 10 TIMES. You guys only heard about the committee meetings we stayed in.
The other 8 times we read such horror stories, the things people can do to children, the short time it takes to completely f*ck up a child's life.
Nobody should have to read s*it like that.
NO CHILD SHOULD HAVE TO LIVE THROUGH S*IT LIKE THAT.
Doing respite care for these kids, these sad, messed up kids, trying to help in some small way, knowing its just a drop in the bucket.
Then finally dealing with a 3 year old girl that was able to throw a 2 HOUR tantrum, SCREAMING at the top of her voice "I WANT TO MAKE YOU MAD!!! I WANT TO MAKE YOU MAD!!!"
She had my Mother throwing up her hands, two of my dogs shivering messes, my cats hadn't been seen in days because they were hiding.
I made the arrangements to move her and her brother, and we then promptly started getting rid of all of our kid stuff.
If Boomer had been closer he'd have been in for quite a windfall, I had all sorts of stuff to let go of.

So....now what?
We lost Honey in April, which was like loosing a child for me, I loved my Honey-dog very much. And now this, changing complete directions. You work toward a purpose for so long, and then the purpose has been removed.
What do I do now?
I don't know....

(shrugging sholders, finishing wine, walks back over to jukebox)

R6

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1g5ZaUGeF...ure=relmfu

[nettiesaur]

(06-16-2012 09:58 PM)HardwareGrl Wrote:  (Searching in pockets for change for the jukebox, flipping cards...)
S12

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSWrNfqjDBE

Hmmmm....nothing fancy I think.....white wine sounds good.
Just a peak in tonight, doesn't seem like there's been time lately to stop by.
So much going on, decisions made, good, bad and otherwise.
I think a lot of you all saw that Hubby and I have ended our quest to adopt. It was a not-to-hard decision to make in the end, which is sad.
I know it doesn't seem like we have been trying for that long to be giving up this soon, but glancing at the calendar reminds me that it has been 6 YEARS since we started moving in this direction. Litterally moving in this direction, because we sold our house to move back to the house I grew up in, remodeled it to change it into a duplex so my mother could have her own space and she could take care of kids of us after school/before Hubby and I got home from work.
And after the house was finished then started the process of classes, classes, and more classes that don't even begin to truely train you to cope with a troubled child, seminars, support groups, meetings, background checks, financial records checks, and on, and on, and on.
Finally certification, and the looking begins.
Hubby and I were asked to go to committee 10 TIMES. We got our hope up 10 TIMES. You guys only heard about the committee meetings we stayed in.
The other 8 times we read such horror stories, the things people can do to children, the short time it takes to completely f*ck up a child's life.
Nobody should have to read s*it like that.
NO CHILD SHOULD HAVE TO LIVE THROUGH S*IT LIKE THAT.
Doing respite care for these kids, these sad, messed up kids, trying to help in some small way, knowing its just a drop in the bucket.
Then finally dealing with a 3 year old girl that was able to throw a 2 HOUR tantrum, SCREAMING at the top of her voice "I WANT TO MAKE YOU MAD!!! I WANT TO MAKE YOU MAD!!!"
She had my Mother throwing up her hands, two of my dogs shivering messes, my cats hadn't been seen in days because they were hiding.
I made the arrangements to move her and her brother, and we then promptly started getting rid of all of our kid stuff.
If Boomer had been closer he'd have been in for quite a windfall, I had all sorts of stuff to let go of.

So....now what?
We lost Honey in April, which was like loosing a child for me, I loved my Honey-dog very much. And now this, changing complete directions. You work toward a purpose for so long, and then the purpose has been removed.
What do I do now?
I don't know....

(shrugging sholders, finishing wine, walks back over to jukebox)

R6

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1g5ZaUGeF...ure=relmfu

You breathe. You grieve the dream. You let go(that one takes time, believe me). My life is not what I planned. It's taken more than a year to see that it can be different, and still o.k., or what passes for o.k. while I work out where I'm headed.
((Hugs)) to you and your hubby. Take one moment at a time...until you can take a day at a time...until the fog lifts and a new dream arises.

[2Beers]

(()) HwdGrl! Nettie has given some very wise and sage wisdom. Just know that we are here for you!

[Gungawoman]

It would be ridiculous and superficial at best, to merely say, "hang in there." You DO need to keep putting one foot in front of the other, even on days when you don't even want to put feet on the ground. In time (and only God knows how much time), you'll begin, very slowly, to find your direction.

You've been at this for a long time. Don't expect to have your heart healed overnight. The horrors you've seen and heard won't just disappear......

Hope will come back to you. I'm sure of that. Involve yourself in things that you DON'T have to commit to on a regular basis, at least, not at first. Get your feet wet now and then with some volunteering in different areas. See what you like. It may lead to a new "purpose".

In the meantime, know that you both are in our thoughts and prayers, and we're all here for you

[burma.girl]

Awwwww HG, kudos to you and Mr. HG for your compassion and selfless hearts to open your home/lives to these kids in desperate need. I'm truly sorry that your journey didn't take you where you'd hoped it would lead. And I pray that you recognize that you HAVE made a difference in these kids' lives...it's not just a "drop in the bucket." I'm sure somewhere in their lil' broken hearts they felt what real, unconditional love is....you've planted a seed, hopefully it will grow.
We are here for you!!! Please keep us posted....
(((((HUGS)))))

[Scythe Matters]

Oh, HWG I wish there were something I could do to take away the pain and frustration. This must have been difficult for you and Mr. HWG, making this decision and putting a period of your life behind you. Words can't express how much I admire the both of you for doing what you've done. You have made a difference in these kids' lives, maybe more than you will ever know. You also acted as a witness to the horrors these children went through and it's important that you shared that with us and with others. You are right - no child should have to go through that. Some people simply should not be allowed to have children: their hearts simply are not suited for the compassion and love that is needed to be a good parent. But your hearts.... well, they are as big as any I've ever known and you always seem to be able to make a bit more room in there. Thanks for letting me in just a wee bit.

HUGS

[Fireman]

HWG, seems you have a lot of good friends here. as Nettie said, Breathe.

Let me top you off and lets try R30, shall we?

Always her when you need a laugh....

[HardwareGrl]

*Passing out hugs like they were going out of style...*

Thank you Guys and Gals...you all are the best...

I think the hardest part is I am used to being the tough one.
Then your legs get kicked out from under you...how do you get back up?

I know...I know...get your feet under you and get yer' a** up...

I'll take that top-off Fireman...here's some change, how about you pick another song?

[Scythe Matters]

I have a great song for us right now, it always makes me smile...






Top 'em off again, nettie