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Murder on the Capsaicin Express
04-19-2010, 08:00 PM
Post: #1
Murder on the Capsaicin Express
You can't handle the heat!


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Sacred cows make the best hamburgers.

I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughtnut... I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, 'Don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut, I've got the documentation right here... It's in my file at home. ...Under "D".'
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04-20-2010, 05:18 PM
Post: #2
RE: Murder on the Capsaicin Express
Love it!
I've even fallen into the machismo trap once or twice.

Granted, while I do like it hot, if it is hot to the point of having no flavour, what's the point?
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04-20-2010, 07:06 PM (This post was last modified: 04-20-2010 07:09 PM by Markus Awreallyus.)
Post: #3
RE: Murder on the Capsaicin Express
Too funny, reminds me of my brother. Every year he searches for a variety pack of 'Capsicum' concoctions that he not only presents to me but insists I try every one just to see the look on my face. I've found I like a good fruity Habanero sauce. Plenty of heat and great flava. One year he visited the Tabasco plant in LA. and brought back a tasty sampling of their surprisingly extensive line of products. Interesting to note that they choose the best seedlings from the year and keep them in a vault in case of disaster. Angry
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"Listen...Jump on a moonbeam and rise, ride it, glide it all the way"
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04-20-2010, 07:27 PM
Post: #4
RE: Murder on the Capsaicin Express
I'll share with you a taste of virgin bravado that occurred years ago...

A friend and I were at the House of Blues on Sunset in LA and had dinner. I had Jambalaya. It came garnished with a big, and I mean bIG, nasty scotch bonnet.
The waiter warned me that it was merely a garnish and that I should not even consider eating it. Of course, my bravado wasn't going to sit there and take that warning, and being the entrepeneurial fellow I am, I bet my friend $20 that I could eat the whole thing.

My pal thought that would be cheap entertainment, so he agreed.

I grabbed that relatively harmless looking mini pumpkin by its stem and chomped heartily into half of it. As the article attested to, what was left of my sensible grey matter started to rush out of my ears in a mass exodus, followed by plumes of steam. No sooner were the bonnet's seeds bouncing off the back of my tongue and over my epiglottis, that I realized I was in serious trouble. Sweat poured off my brow and although I tried to smile and show my man-liness, pandemonium was brewing inside. I grabbed my glass of water and downed it while waving to the waiter with my free hand. Glass after glass of water proceeded to follow down my throat until my eyes were floating like bobbers on a fishline. There would be no relief from the insatiable burning and swelling of my tongue. After 64 oz of water, my friend suggested milk. I had already had to undo the button fly of my jeans so that I could provide expansion for all the fluids that there certainly was no place for milk to join the party. However he insisted and the waiter agreed and I forced another 8 oz glass down the tube.

Finally the tongue and throat relented as they were coated with the thick creamy nectar. I relaxed for a moment and began to coax my sensibilites back into my ear canal, but all that went out the window when I saw that I still had the other half to go. $20 is $20 after all. In went the other half and it rushed down my throat amongst a tsunami of 2% partly homogenized. I snapped the $20 off the table and then proceeded to the washroom for recycling.

I was so bloated on the way back to the hotel, my pal had to drive as I lay in the passenger seat fully reclined to horizontal position, with my pants around my ankles.

Ahh, the things we cro magnons will do....
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04-20-2010, 09:04 PM (This post was last modified: 04-20-2010 09:09 PM by ePhilosopher9.)
Post: #5
RE: Murder on the Capsaicin Express
Avery Island, LA makes some good sauce, but it's not bloody scottish, nor wearing a bonnet!
Some good sauce is Crystal Hot Sauce. Coming from the land of Jambalaya, Crawfish Pie, and Creole Gumbeaux, this plowman wanna-be can tell you that "cajun" is not synonomous with heat. Like at Cynthia Woods Hot Sauce Pavillion, wow, that was a very hot showing. But I understand that even if Bugs had taken that correct turn at Albuquerque's hot sauce ... perhaps carrots would sweeten it up. Creole sauce perhaps?
*File' gumbo

Ooops...well... sorry. Just want to figure out how to put up my avatar.
** reminds me of Uni Sushi ... more wasabi
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04-21-2010, 06:52 AM
Post: #6
RE: Murder on the Capsaicin Express
Funny you mention Melinda's. I live in New Orleans and have sampled/used hundreds of sauces. Tabasco was always the staple wherever you went to eat and crystal was usually at the places that didn't want to pay for Tabasco. I stumbled across Melinda's at a hot sauce tasting about 15 years ago. The rep explained that Tabasco is basically vinegar based--just vinegar and pepper. Melinda's is carrot based so the flavor is delivered better--not just fire but also flavor. It also comes in various degrees of heat. I prefer xtra hot. I'll use the tabasco in a pinch or even crystal, but for my money melinda's just works better and is much better when used while cooking--especially red beans and rice.
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04-21-2010, 09:50 AM
Post: #7
RE: Murder on the Capsaicin Express
And so is it funny that the little bottles in 5oz or 10oz sizes that glass companies sell are called "Woozy" bottles in the respective industry?
Honest, they are! (My employer manufactures them)
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04-22-2010, 01:37 PM
Post: #8
RE: Murder on the Capsaicin Express
Good one Spud, I suppose I was grinning the whole time because I could see myself in every turn of the story. Just the other day I went to an old Hof Brau that I had been told had a great pastrami sandwich. I got in the line and ordered up a pastrami on rye, then asked the fellow preparing it to throw some horseradish on the side. He told me it was on all the tables, but I was warned to be careful because it was HOT! I swung by the bar for a cold beverage and proceeded to a table. I tasted a little of the horseradish and thought, "this isn't that bad", so I smothered both sides of the bread and took a bite. Nothing more than a mild heat filled my mouth. I took another bite hoping for more, but found the same pitiful outcome. I decided this just would not do and grabbed the bottle to dab on some more. I slathered it on right where the next bite was coming from. My father in law was with me and he warned me I might not be able to handle that much, which only made me grab another dollop for good measure. I looked him right in the eye and took a bite. My nasal passages immediately opened wide and I broke out in a sheen of sweat. My father in law was laughing hard as my whole face turned red, and then my eyes welled up with tears so fast that my contact lens popped right out of my eye. This had him rolling with laughter while I fought to get my contact back in with one hand, and gulp down my beer as quickly as I could with the other. As the heat in my mouth began to subside, I looked at all that lovely sandwich I still had left to enjoy. I ordered another beer, grabbed the horseradish, and set to work, my father in law just shaking his head the whole time. I do loves me some heat!Big Grin
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04-23-2010, 01:55 PM
Post: #9
RE: Murder on the Capsaicin Express
UK users, at least, will be familiar with the broadcaster and columnist Jeremy Clarkson. He once wrote an article on a bottle of hot stuff he was given as a novelty gift, years later found at the back of a cupboard. Having put half a molecule of the stuff on his salad, the line that made me laugh out loud was "After 3 minutes I was scared I might die, after 5 minutes I was scared I might not!". I wish I could post a link to the article but 'TheTimesOnLine' has removed the facility to search his earlier archives. It's not always food related but you might find what archives they do allow entertaining. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment..._clarkson/
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04-24-2010, 05:23 AM
Post: #10
RE: Murder on the Capsaicin Express
Anyone here watch Man vs. Food on the Travel Channel? Adam Richman travels the U.S. from city to city taking on some of the most outrageous eating challenges while also sampling the city's most famous foods. Some of my favorite episodes are when his challenges involve something really, really hot. I find it quite entertaining since I'm not one to venture too far on the hot side. You can see the true pain that comes with the hot side! lol
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