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The World's Best Turtle or Snail Joke EVER!!!
09-03-2011, 06:05 PM (This post was last modified: 09-03-2011 06:07 PM by HardwareGrl.)
Post: #1
The World's Best Turtle or Snail Joke EVER!!!
I don't know how to lift a Reply from one thread and carry it to another, so hopefully this will do....

Brutus said:
....Bubba has asked me to set up a thead for ''Turtle and Snail" jokes. I've found a few jokes that keep repeating themselves...1 Wheeee... 2 It happened so fast.....3 What was that all about?

Bubba seems really enamored with this....go figure!

So if someone wants to create this new thread, go ahead and I'll keep an eye on it. If someone comes up with the most amazing snail/turtle joke of all time...I'll make sure gifts are rewarded and I will personally do something....

I crack myself up!

But honestly....I will do something....It will have to be a surprise.
To me too!


So, anybody have a great turtle or snail joke?
Me personally, I like the jokes you have to ponder....
If a turtle doesn't have its shell...is it naked or homeless?

"Life ain't like books.
Books got somebody writin' 'em and tryin' to entertain ya.
Life is more like a set of Legos.
Unless you take care of 'em, you lose a few pieces and you end up steppin' on 'em with bare feet.
You gotta take care of your life."
~Laura Moncur
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09-03-2011, 09:05 PM
Post: #2
RE: The World's Best Turtle or Snail Joke EVER!!!
In the forest, a little turtle and a little snail began climbing a tree. It took them forever, but when they reached the highest limb, they were so happy. The turtle waved his arms and fell to the ground. The snail waved his antennae and fell to the ground. After they came to, they began climbing the tree again. After quite some time, they reached the top. The turtle and the snail began waving, and again, fell to the ground. After several attempts (and BIG headaches), the 2 birds who had been watching them the whole time, shook their heads sadly. The female bird said to the male bird, "Do you think we should tell them they're adopted"?

If I'd known you were French, I'd have worn galoshes...
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09-03-2011, 09:54 PM
Post: #3
RE: The World's Best Turtle or Snail Joke EVER!!!
Okay how about this one..

Once there was a snail who was tired of being slow. He went out and bought a really fast sports car and had the dealer paint a big 'S' on each side of it.

Whenever someone saw him zooming past in his new car, they would say, "Hey, look at that S-car go!"
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09-03-2011, 11:03 PM
Post: #4
RE: The World's Best Turtle or Snail Joke EVER!!!
(09-03-2011 06:05 PM)HardwareGrl Wrote:  I don't know how to lift a Reply from one thread and carry it to another, so hopefully this will do....

Brutus said:
....Bubba has asked me to set up a thead for ''Turtle and Snail" jokes. I've found a few jokes that keep repeating themselves...1 Wheeee... 2 It happened so fast.....3 What was that all about?

Bubba seems really enamored with this....go figure!

So if someone wants to create this new thread, go ahead and I'll keep an eye on it. If someone comes up with the most amazing snail/turtle joke of all time...I'll make sure gifts are rewarded and I will personally do something....

I crack myself up!

But honestly....I will do something....It will have to be a surprise.
To me too!


So, anybody have a great turtle or snail joke?
Me personally, I like the jokes you have to ponder....
If a turtle doesn't have its shell...is it naked or homeless?

Good question!

A party without cake is really just a meeting
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09-04-2011, 02:23 AM (This post was last modified: 09-04-2011 02:23 AM by Hannibal.)
Post: #5
RE: The World's Best Turtle or Snail Joke EVER!!!
Once upon a time there was a turtle, a rabbit, and a buzzard. They decided to join forces and start a farm. They bought some property and set out to plant their crops. Knowing that they needed fertilizer, it was decided that the rabbit would be the one to go to town because the turtle was too slow and the buzzard was to weak to carry it. So the rabbit dashed off to town for the fertilizer. In the meantime, back on the farm, the turtle and buzzard strike oil. By the time the rabbit returns, there's a big mansion on the property. Perplexed, the rabbit rings the doorbell and a butler answers the door. "Where's the turtle and the buzzard?", inquired the rabbit. The butler replied, "Mister Tur-tell is down at the well, and Mister Buzz-ard is out in the yard." Pissed off, the rabbit says, "Well you tell Mister Tur-tell and Mister Buzz-ard that Mister Rab-bit is here with the $hit!!"

Cool Shaka... when the walls fell.
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09-04-2011, 07:30 AM
Post: #6
RE: The World's Best Turtle or Snail Joke EVER!!!
Mrs O'Flaherty tell her husband Paddy, "I need you to be goin' down to the fish market to get some escargot for dinner. Reverend Father is coming and I want to do something special."

Paddy gets up off the couch and trudges outside.

At the fish market Paddy buys a bucket full of snails, pays the monger and starts to make his way home. A few blocks from his house he sees that his local watering hole is open, and slips inside to have a wee snort.

Time passes. Lots of it.

Paddy sees the clock and says, "Oh, I'm in for what-for from the wife, gotta go fellas".

Walking up his lane, he trips and falls and spills the bucket of snails on the gound.

Mrs O'Flaherty comes to the door and is just about to give her husband a good and proper tongue lashing, when Paddy says to the snails, "Hurry up you snails, hurry up! The missus is waiting for you!!"

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." - Mark Twain
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09-04-2011, 11:27 AM
Post: #7
RE: The World's Best Turtle or Snail Joke EVER!!!
A man goes to his boss's costume party with nothing on but a naked
woman on his back.
"Jones!! What the hell are you supposed to be?" the boss asked.
"I'm a snail," the man replied.
"What a load of crap!" his boss spat. "How can you be a snail when all
you've got is that naked woman on your back?"
"You've got it wrong," the man replied.
"That's Michelle."

(think about it....)

Most of us are so caught up in life that we forget to live it.
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09-04-2011, 03:04 PM
Post: #8
RE: The World's Best Turtle or Snail Joke EVER!!!
Here's one I found on line:
A snail was moving along the beach when he happened to look back behind him and saw three turtles wearing leather jackets.
After moving along for about four weeks, the snail looked back again and saw that the three turtles were still there and closing in on him. So, the snail picked up his pace.
After about six more weeks, the snail looked back again, and saw that the turtles were still chasing him. And they were getting closer and closer! So, he kept on going as fast as he could.
After another few weeks, the turtles finally caught up with the snail and mugged him, took all of his clothes and the keys to his car.
After another couple of weeks, the snail got to a pay phone and called the police. "I`ve been mugged by three turtles wearing leather jackets! You need to get down here and take a report or do something!" he said.
"Can you give us a description of the turtles?" asked the police officer.
"No, I can`t. It all happened too fast!" cried the snail.
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09-06-2011, 02:15 AM
Post: #9
RE: The World's Best Turtle or Snail Joke EVER!!!
One fine day a gentleman engrossed in his book heard a tiny knock at his door. Sighing, he put the book down and went to answer it. He opened the door but there was nobody there.
"Stupid kids," he muttered, assuming it was kids playing around. He started to close the door but heard a faint "ahem." He looked down and saw a snail on his WELCOME mat. Annoyed that a snail would interrupt his reading, he picked the mollusk up and threw it across the street. Satisfied, he returned to his reading.
A few months later, as he is reading another book, there is another tiny knock at the door. Again, he opens the door and sees nothing.... until he looks down.
There is the snail again but this time he is holding a tiny sign: "What the hell did you do that for?"

... in a world where I feel so small I can't stop thinking big!
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09-06-2011, 10:47 AM
Post: #10
RE: The World's Best Turtle or Snail Joke EVER!!!
Two Postal workers were taking a break. One of them looked down and said, "Look, there's a snail on the ground." The other Postal worker yelled and then stomped on the snail, smashing it. The first Postal worker said, "Why did you do that?" The second Postal worker said, "That darn snail has been following me around all day!"

If I'd known you were French, I'd have worn galoshes...
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